I just might be losing my mind

So… I went a little… nutty on my run today. After last week’s slow debacle I have actually had a few good runs at E pace. My long run felt really good on Sunday and the sluggishness that I’ve been feeling is slowly easing off. Or, so I thought. This morning I had 2 miles easy, 20 mins LT, 2 miles easy on the schedule and thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. However, I’ve run nearly 30 miles in the last 3 days, had a crappy sleep and partook of some “celebrating” on Sunday night if you catch my drift. These are all excuses I realize, btu work with me here.

Anyway, I hit the pavement for the LT portion fo my run and actually came out exactly perfect for the first 1.25 miles. And then… the wheels came off. I felt like a little turtle running through muddy sand. My breathing hurt, I was so sluggish and tired and I just… sort of threw a fit on the side of the road. I mean, no one saw it, but internally I threw an absolute temper tantrum. I said some not very nice things to myself, kicked the railroad tracks (what am I? 5?) and just ran the rest of my run at E pace. I’m so lame. I NEVER quit.

Now here’s where I got loony. During the last two miles I decided to partake of some sports psych and mimc throwing off the things that are holding me back. So I pretended I was throwing things off. I said to myself, “this is not thinking I’m good enough to do this,” and “this is the weight of other people’s expectations,” and “this is the negative talk” and a few other things. And then I decided to “put on” some good things. I said to myself, “now I’m putting on determination and perseverance and discipline and belief.” This was while Josh Radin’s “Brand New Day” followed by Death Cab’s “This is the New Year” played on my ipod. Now, I realize this is making me sound like a total head case. But this is my blog and I can be a nut if I want to. But as I move forward I think it’ll be important to “run with” positive things and to “throw off” the negative. Or maybe I’m just nuts. No one actually knows.

My body is slowly adjusting to the higher mileage and I am learning to adjust my schedule to fit everything in. My friends have been warned that I’m going to be a hungry, teetotaling, sweaty mess for 18 weeks but they’re so encouraging and supportive that I don’t think they’ll mind. I also decided not to race this weekend. At this point running a 5k that will probably not be a PR is going to do more harm than good. Yes it would be a solid, hard effort but I think if I run more slowly than I have in the past it is going to do more harm than good. So… sorry if all ya’ll think I’m a head case. Maybe I am. But head cases are entertaining, right 🙂

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2 responses to “I just might be losing my mind

  1. NOT losing your mind 🙂 those runs happen, plus you are asking a lot of those legs while you pile on the miles and also had a life outside of running! I would definitely not call it quitting. we all do it to ourselves though… I do like your thoughts of throwing things off of you!

  2. I agree with aron! You can’t be too hard on yourself. There will be good runs, there will be bad. You’ve been pounding out a lot of miles recently so if the LT runs are a little sluggish…it’s to be expected. Please take it easy. The speed will be back once the weather cools a bit!

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